First of all let me set this up. I was in a car accident about two years ago and was injured with a head injury. A MTBI to be exact. Which is short for mild traumatic brain injury. Mild is basically the opposite of what it feels like. I constantly have headaches, and this is almost two years later. My balance is off, my mood is depressed, I have short term memory loss, I can comprehend things I read, there is a bunch of goofy sh** goin' on up there, and a list of other sh** I can't think of. At least now you have a little bit of a handle on this now.
The other night I stayed up late, way past when my wifer went to bed. I have a hard time falling asleep sometimes and have to wind down and basically wear myself out before I go to bed. The wifer on the other hand, works hard at work and at home so she gets her beauty rest and she does it really hard. That is when she hits the hay, it's like a brick.
So anyways, I finally get tired after watching Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel and I go get ready for bed. I brush my teeth and what not, then I grab my medication and head off to bed.
I actually fell asleep pretty fast and slept fairly well for once. That is, only waking up every other hour instead of every hour. So the night is long and I am finally asleep and sleeping hard myself when all of a sudden I hear a humming in my ear. I spring out of bed like a Gazelle and grab my pillow and start pushing it into the bed as hard as I can. My wifer, jumps up with a look on her face that I'll never forget. It was like she was saying what the hell are you doing you freak without saying a word.
So hear I am standing upright on our bed squishing the hell out of my pillow with my wife looking right at me. Now what do I do? I say "Hon, there was a wasp in my ear"! She says "What"? I exclaim, "A freaking Wasp"! She of course thinks I am out of my mind as thinks I'm a spaz for the position I am standing in and begins to turn over as she say"Whatever".
Right when she starts to turn over I grab a flip flop at the end of the bed and start swinging it into the air like a mad man. She jumps out of bed and says "What the hell are you doing"? I am waving a flip flop in the air with one hand as I am holding a squishing a pillow on my bed and then she sees the Wasp. "Hon, there's a Wasp"! I look at her as to say "No sh**"! I finally swat the flying Wasp and kill it.
I still have one arm and one leg on the bed so now I turn my attention to the pillow Wasp. I slowly but surely lift up the pillow. As I do, I hear a "ZZZZZZZZZZ"! I immediately push down on the pillow and squish and push and pound and stomp on the pillow with all my might. Of course even after seeing the Wasp that I killed my wife is thinking I look like a real dumb ass right now. So I peel back the pillow and "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"! I immediately push down on the pillow and squish and push and pound and stomp on the pillow with all my might again. Surely it's dead now. So one last time i peel back the pillow. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"! Holy crap! Did you know that a 290 pound man can't kill a freaking wasp on a bed with a pillow no matter how hard he tries?
I proceed to grab my wifers flip flop and I rip the pillow off that Wasp as quick as I can and he flies up and I am smacking and swinging and finally I knock him to the bed and I am hitting this thing so fast and so hard it felt like I turned into a jack hammer. So the flat part of the shoe wasn't working at all on the bed either, but it was keeping him down on the the bed so I finally turned the shoe and started stabbing him. It looked like the showere scene from Physco. I stabbed and stabbed and finally cut him into two pieces.
My wifer has got to have the weirdest facial expressions in the world. She can give someone a complex just by looking at them. She looks at me, shakes her head, grabs her pillow and covers turns and says "I ain't coming back down here until you fix this"... You know what? I've been sleeping like a baby for about a week now. I probably aught to get to fixin' that hole with the hornets nest in it sooner or later. Naw, I'll just tell her I haven't caught all my ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ's yet!
Scooter
The other night I stayed up late, way past when my wifer went to bed. I have a hard time falling asleep sometimes and have to wind down and basically wear myself out before I go to bed. The wifer on the other hand, works hard at work and at home so she gets her beauty rest and she does it really hard. That is when she hits the hay, it's like a brick.
So anyways, I finally get tired after watching Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel and I go get ready for bed. I brush my teeth and what not, then I grab my medication and head off to bed.
I actually fell asleep pretty fast and slept fairly well for once. That is, only waking up every other hour instead of every hour. So the night is long and I am finally asleep and sleeping hard myself when all of a sudden I hear a humming in my ear. I spring out of bed like a Gazelle and grab my pillow and start pushing it into the bed as hard as I can. My wifer, jumps up with a look on her face that I'll never forget. It was like she was saying what the hell are you doing you freak without saying a word.
So hear I am standing upright on our bed squishing the hell out of my pillow with my wife looking right at me. Now what do I do? I say "Hon, there was a wasp in my ear"! She says "What"? I exclaim, "A freaking Wasp"! She of course thinks I am out of my mind as thinks I'm a spaz for the position I am standing in and begins to turn over as she say"Whatever".
Right when she starts to turn over I grab a flip flop at the end of the bed and start swinging it into the air like a mad man. She jumps out of bed and says "What the hell are you doing"? I am waving a flip flop in the air with one hand as I am holding a squishing a pillow on my bed and then she sees the Wasp. "Hon, there's a Wasp"! I look at her as to say "No sh**"! I finally swat the flying Wasp and kill it.
I still have one arm and one leg on the bed so now I turn my attention to the pillow Wasp. I slowly but surely lift up the pillow. As I do, I hear a "ZZZZZZZZZZ"! I immediately push down on the pillow and squish and push and pound and stomp on the pillow with all my might. Of course even after seeing the Wasp that I killed my wife is thinking I look like a real dumb ass right now. So I peel back the pillow and "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"! I immediately push down on the pillow and squish and push and pound and stomp on the pillow with all my might again. Surely it's dead now. So one last time i peel back the pillow. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"! Holy crap! Did you know that a 290 pound man can't kill a freaking wasp on a bed with a pillow no matter how hard he tries?
I proceed to grab my wifers flip flop and I rip the pillow off that Wasp as quick as I can and he flies up and I am smacking and swinging and finally I knock him to the bed and I am hitting this thing so fast and so hard it felt like I turned into a jack hammer. So the flat part of the shoe wasn't working at all on the bed either, but it was keeping him down on the the bed so I finally turned the shoe and started stabbing him. It looked like the showere scene from Physco. I stabbed and stabbed and finally cut him into two pieces.
My wifer has got to have the weirdest facial expressions in the world. She can give someone a complex just by looking at them. She looks at me, shakes her head, grabs her pillow and covers turns and says "I ain't coming back down here until you fix this"... You know what? I've been sleeping like a baby for about a week now. I probably aught to get to fixin' that hole with the hornets nest in it sooner or later. Naw, I'll just tell her I haven't caught all my ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ's yet!
Scooter
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